The MP3: The excuse: "I did all my studying listening to my music, so 'state-dependent' theory says...blah blah blah". Anyway, with a cheap microphone, do a voice recording of any and all notes you could need for the exam. Keep every chapter, section, etc. on a different track so it can be easily accessed. Store the audio file on the music player. If listening is not allowed, put an earphone up your sleeve, or wear a hood. (It is easy to conceal a small earphone without a conspicuous hood if you have long hair.)
The MP3 revisited: Write whatever notes you need in a text file and put it on your media player (may require software) or create an image file of the notes and load it. Wear a pair of baggy jeans to school. Make sure your desk is directly behind the person in front of you. Put your feet up against the back legs of the seat in front of you with your knees high to conceal your lap. Place player in your lap with your fly open. If your teacher comes near or suspects you, slide it into your pants. (Note: works best for teachers of the opposite sex, particularly girls with male teachers.) Alternatively, some players have a feature which allows you to write lyrics for songs - this feature can be used to store information on tests.
The take-home test: So, you sat down and, well, you're screwed. What do you do? (Keep in mind, this is a rarity, but has worked. It takes knowing the teacher's tendencies.) Take the test home with you. Do not turn it in. Get help, and finish the test at home. Bring it back to class with you for the next lecture, along with several different colored pens and markers. When you see his/her grading method, color, style... grade your own test. Either s/he recollects the tests to record them, and you're money, or... when the end of the semester comes around, and you have no score recorded, you can bring in evidence that you actually took the test and got graded on it. (Note: This one can get you in serious trouble... not for the light-hearted). If you don't feel like doing that simply don't turn the test in and claim that they lost it. Ask to retake it on a later date.
Bathroom Cheat: This is the easiest way not to get caught. Simply have a calculator or some exam notes in your pocket and while taking the test, write questions down on a piece of scrap paper. Then go to the bathroom, whip out the cheats and work out your answers. You could also leave the notes/calculator hidden in the toilets beforehand. Please note that teachers are catching on to this so it might not work or they might not even let you go.
Essay tests: Well, this is a brick wall in the cheating world. You can either try to copy or BS your way through it, but one thing will get you the points. Teachers are usually looking for specific words or phrases to be used, and they usually tell you them in class the day before the test. Know the teacher, know the buzz-words, and be able to BS it well. Sorry, no silver bullet here. Or who may know. Keep your info in mind. Get some plasters or stickers. Write down your information on the sticky side of them.Stick them on your hand, wrist or arm on exam day. When the test comes, all you'll have to do is lift up the plaster to reveal the answer!
"Whoops" Technique: If you know what is on the test (you have a copy from another student) or you know exactly what will be on it (ask other students) write a good version, then keep it with you and don't let it get folded etc. When you get the actual test, write some stuff on it and pretend to be thinking (or scrambling if it is a different version). Just before tests are collected, pull out your original copy and stash the other; turn in the good test. If it is a different version, you may still be able to get away with it; just turn in the wrong one and when/if the teacher asks, say it was the one they gave you, and stick to that (this works best for essay type tests).
Hidden Cheat: Write out your exam notes before the test, and slip the paper into the shaft of your pen. Then, during the test, you can just take apart your pen and read the information needed. Make sure you don't get seen. This method can work even better if your pen has a clear shaft.
Gum Wrapper: Before the test buy some gum - not in a package, but some that comes individually wrapped. Open the package and CAREFULLY unwrap a stick of gum. Take a small sheet of paper, write your info and put it under the gum, rewrapping the stick. Put it back in the pack on top and take a few out so it looks like a pack you've had for a few days. During the exam, when the proctor isn't looking, eat the gum and read your info. Pretend to get tired of the stick and put it back in the wrapper so you "destroy" your cheat notes and thus don't get caught. Additionally, get a pack of gum that comes in a tin, like ice breakers sours gum/mints. Cut out a circular piece of paper the size of the tin and open the "to share" side to read the notes. Only have a few pieces of gum in there, though, so that you won't look suspicious when you throw it away. (Note: works even better under the padding of Altoids.)
Band-Aid: This usually only works with small notes, and if you are an athlete (football, skateboarding) this works even better. Get the biggest band-aid you can without it making it look like it was on purpose. Put it on your elbow or knee. Write the some notes on the cloth like part of the band-aid, red (blood), brown (dried blood), or yellow/green (pus) works best, but you could really use any color. Then, when it's test time, itch the band-aid. Then, act like you're going to fix your band-aid. Pretend you're looking at the wound, but don't pull it completely off (you don't have a wound!). Look at the answers. Do not take the band-aid off during school! They will obviously see you're faking.
Desk Cheat: Before the test, (make sure the teacher isn't in the room when you do this - try the day before the test) get a good sheet of notes, formulas, complicated questions and answers, etc. and have it all summarized on a sheet of paper. Take the sheet and glue/tape it on to the bottom of the desk that you KNOW that you will be sitting at. During the test, simply drop your pencil under the desk, reach for it, look up and enjoy your answers (do not stare for too long or the teacher might notice).
Desk Cheat 2: print out a small strip of paper the thickness of the desk with the answers and put small strips of tape on the ends. When in the class for the test, tape the paper to the edge of the desk closest to you, and if the teacher walks by, cover it with your arm.
Desk Cheat 3: before class, when the teacher isn't there all you have to do is write formulas etc. on the desk in pencil. It works best in the back of class and is very discreet. If the teacher walks by just slide your paper over it. It is also very hard to see unless you are close to it. When class is over you can simply erase the notes. (This works extremely well with light colored desks and pencil; use of pen isn't recommended.)
Note-card cheat: If you vaguely know what will be on the test beforehand, write very small on both sides of a few note-cards. Write everything you want to know for the test. What usually helps to limit the information is to study half of what you need to know, and write down the other half. On the day of the test, wear a sweatshirt with long sleeves. Slip the note cards into the sleeve. When you get the test, slip the note cards from your hand, to the second or third page of the test. When you go to look at the cards, it will look like you just are looking at pages ahead. When you actually get to the page on the test where the note cards are, slip them back into your sleeve and slip them on to another page. Near the end of the test, slip the note cards back into your sleeve. (NOTE: This only works on multiple page tests.)
Note-Belt Cheat: Make sure you have a belt, and cut out a piece of paper slightly shorter than the belt is tall/wide, and about 6-10 inches long. Write out all of your notes on this piece of paper (one side only), then attach it to the inside of your belt. Come test-day, make sure you have this belt on you, and it is relatively loose. When you want to read the notes, simply suck in your gut, and read from the inside of your belt. Note: this may work better if you tuck in your shirt beforehand, so that it does not seem odd that you are lifting up your shirt.
Finger Nail Cheat
may require medium-long finger nails.) Make sure you use a pencil (best results are with at most a 0.5mm lead pencil). Write any information really small on your finger nail. Teachers don't think about checking your finger nails, plus, it blends with your nail color and you can easily see it as the lead will reflect some light. Best of all, by simply wiping your nail to another finger, you can wipe off the writing!
Sleeved-Shirt Cheat: Wear a long-sleeved shirt that can easily be rolled up or moved. Using an unnoticeable pen, write formula or key facts that you are sure will be on the test on your forearm. Try to sit in an area where a person of larger size may block you from the teacher's vision. Try not to obviously check your forearm, but pretend that you have some sort of itch and you are scratching your forearm.
How to not pass an exam! 
05-31-2008, 04:30 PM
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